In Love and in Light

A few years ago I experienced somethings that I could best describe as darkness; one day in this period I was asked to pray in a gathering and I found myself asking God to give us Light, to just flood His light into all the darkness. That was how I felt then, and recently the same feeling has tried to return.

I say tried because I have learnt and grown enough to understand that darkness WILL ALWAYS give way to Light and it is my responsibility to ensure this; sitting in a dark room and wishing for light won’t cause it to come but rather I have to walk to flip the switch or at least put on a candle or a torch light or open the windows to cause natural light in.

And sometimes this light we feel we need is simply an awareness; just to know more. I think of the scripture “Hosea 4:6a (NKJV) – My people are destroyed for lack of Knowledge…….” and I know I have been a victim of this, like I have literally just lost because I didn’t know enough due to immaturity, pride or laziness to do what was necessary.

I recognize that sometimes we genuinely have no control, we are overwhelmed, have no form of direction and just exhausted from all of life’s demands but this phase eventually transitions into another one. In reality, you may transition into what feels like ‘another phase of war’ and you wonder when you will catch a break and then after time passes you look back and realise you survived.

I like to document my lessons through different experiences or phases; some take longer that others to imbibe; some I forget and overtime some change or become ‘expanded’.

ü  I have learnt to stop seeing my daily expectations/responsibilities as stressful tasks but as me being consistent in the right habits and activities.

ü  I chose to love me; and to protect my peace and self-worth

ü  I chose to consistently educate myself enough to know who I am, what I desire, what I deserve, what I am ignorant about, what I need to fix and how to treat others.

ü  I know that I have everything I need; don’t be so shallow to limit this to just physical things. I know it’s hard to understand or explain or accept but it is a truth I am learning to embrace. Reach within; deep enough and you will find what you are looking for.

A few weeks ago, I created and posted the image above on Instagram (change my typo from “does” to “those”, sorry I was excited) and in the caption I said “Because this is real life. And sometimes it will be more than one war at a time. Negotiate with yourself because there is ALWAYS enough inside to keep you going! Remember on bad days that you have already been built for this. You'll look back and smile, through the stress, scars and tears, you WILL”

The truth is a few minutes before I did it, I was sitting on my bed, looking out the window totally exhausted and wondering if I would survive that evening! Then from nowhere I started talking to myself……scratch that…….it felt more like someone started talking to me because the voice was so sure of herself, extremely confident, strong and filled with LIGHT; a light that had gotten rid of darkness.

ü  The physical is almost insignificant compare to what we do not see- this deserves its own post.

ü  I am learning to resist being static even in the midst of chaos or fear; I must go on

ü  Joy and Strength are not mutually exclusive- haven’t you noticed when you have genuine Joy you can just function?!

ü  I am never left completely empty or alone or disadvantaged – I ALWAYS have something left; something that will restore or comfort or sustain me to the next point.

ü  Have Courage – this is so vital and is a continuous process of acceptance.

“Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage you can't practice any other virtue consistently” - Maya Angelou

2 Timothy 1:7 New Living Translation (NLT)

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”

What do you want?

That is one question a lot of us have failed woefully to answer; we spend day after day which eventually leads to years and we complain and decide that life has been so difficult and we are stuck at the same level and never achieving any of our dreams

Two months in the ‘new year’ have passed and while most of us started the year with a desire to make positive changes, we are still standing empty and slowly getting frustrated but the truth is do we know what we want?

A lot of us will shout “YES” because we have day dreams; seeing ourselves as we drive that nice car or laughing our hearts out at a joke your amazing new partner just cracked or being promoted at work and earning more money however what do you want?

Think about it, how do you want your life to be today? Tomorrow? And the next 4 or 10 years? Do you have a detailed picture in your mind or written in a book? Do the choices you make today in anyway lead you ……anywhere at all or you’re just ‘living in the moment’ and rolling with the days.

I recently went through this painful analysis and I learnt the truth that I have good intentions but that is it! Just plain good intentions for myself, my family, even the company I work and as a citizen of my country however I have no plans! No concrete plans that I have developed, re-structured, been consistent with and seen come to pass. And so I have been angry with myself and my own indiscipline for years but I don’t know why I didn’t do anything about it. I mean I prayed and acted right (MOST of the time) so why wasn’t that enough for my intentions to manifest into reality?

And I came up with the following answers:
- I did not have a clear, unshakeable, convincing vision of what I wanted; yes, I wanted a good life but ‘good’ is vague! And relative too. So even when an opportunity for ‘the good life’ came, I missed it.

- The times I eventually had some sort of plan, I gave up too easily, I wasn’t consistent and generally didn’t believe in myself enough to just fight for what was in my heart/mind.

- I was lazy and lacked discipline; seriously, like for NO reason I can define I will waste time or procrastinate my day away.

- I was afraid and allowed past disappointments to leave me in doubt of my abilities; I just always had a story for why I would fail even before I started and felt like my heart won’t take another break. And sometimes I was afraid because I knew the hard work and consistency that went into maintaining success and progress.

It is one of the most difficult cycles to be in: to know you SHOULD do something about where you are but then you don’t so you end up so mad with yourself when nothing has been accomplished then you sink into this dark place which just makes you  more weary and depressed so STILL you do nothing. It’s like an alcoholic who gets drunk to forget how messed up their life is and then when they get sober, are so disappointed with themselves they get drunk again in order to forget and numb the emotions; it’s just a vicious cycle of pain.

Like the video above (which I unashamedly got from the Notebook movie), we have no idea how badly the people connected to us feel when we are constantly clueless or making excuses; when we just remain static and over time become such angry or dejected individuals and in effect frustrate them too and in some extreme cases lose a loved one because they cannot just keep waiting for us to get it together!

We need to just STOP! In the midst of life’s madness and decide to know what we want. So when things get tough, when you lack peace, when you have no money, when people throw rubbish at you, you can STAND firm and KNOW what you are working towards. Stop blaming your lack of talent or opportunity, those are not even factors that matter.

You can’t keep sending out mixed signals and then expect anyone to trust you completely to deliver! Everyone wants loyalty and consistency; no matter how much they like you, people will be scared that you may bail and then few years down the line you realize you have lost important relationships; it is painful to realize that it is your fault that you are alone.

I read in a book that the “The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: decide what you want.”

So please go ahead and decide what you want! Really think about it, “What do I want?” A ridiculously hard question yet NOT impossible to answer! And when you figure it out as well, you’ll see it is not impossible to attain too!

** God has NOT given us the spirit of fear but the spirit of Courage, Love and Self-discipline.

And this is my sincere prayer for you: that you grasp, accept and apply this truth as well as get the strength to follow through every single day! May you not record a loss or mourn because you didn’t get up and get it together, AMEN.

Hey you

You need to get it together; because there is nowhere else to go but up

Aren’t you tired of being down? What else is down there for you?

No one understands again because they all got up and left you there.

You forget so easily and that is your greatest problem; your mind….

And how you allow yourself believe so many lies.

No force in this universe is on your side until you show who the boss is.

You think ‘they’ are considerate of how much you have going on? Trust me if you succumb to the pressure and give up, that works just fine because that’s one less great person to deal with.

Learn to mend yourself because nothing external can fix you; it starts from within.

DECIDE to have Courage! That’s the foundation for consistency.

In spite of fear, challenges and setbacks, GET BACK IN THE LANE!

What do you think you are here for? Why do you think you haven’t taken your last breathe?

There is MORE than how you feel right now.

Why are you waiting for help? It won’t come because you don’t need it,

You need to stop being sorry for yourself and rise out of your head.

Adversity will come; people will take you for a fool sometimes because your heart is good; they will steal from you under the guise of familiarity; they will say and do things that hurt; they will leave you and with all your good intentions you may sometimes reap evil instead.

But STAND; Stand STILL and be SURE of who you are,

Because you are ENOUGH!

You are ENOUGH; good the way you are and it is NO fault of yours when people behave badly, it is a reflection of themselves and their experiences and NOT yours so you don’t have to deal with that. Your looks, your knowledge, your laughter, your talent, your heart is and will be enough; not for everybody though but be aware and accept that it is enough.

Some people will never like you or accept you and that is FINE! This is painful especially since you may like them, or trust them or believed they have something to offer you; male or female relationships?! Let it go if it is causing stress and not peace or progress.

Regardless of what you experience do NOT be selfish, greedy or inconsiderate; they are some of the worst flaws and do NOT make you feel better about yourself.

Be careful how you make people feel; you may genuinely be better than them but only because you are to help them! Never feel the need to make fun of others or make them feel less than they are; NO ONE including you on your most confident day likes to feel or be treated low or with no regard.

And ‘learn’ how to forgive…..I say learn because I know this is one of the hardest things to do. Most of the time we think we have forgiven a hurt but we haven’t so we let go of people but not let go of the events when it should be the other way round. Also learn to forgive yourself, because everything you did you knew, and your choices brought you to where you are now but as long as it didn’t kill you then you have been blessed with the chance to fix or change things.

Contentment and prudence are keys to peace when it comes to finance and material things; I’m not saying you shouldn’t desire more but beyond self-comfort, understand your motive.

There is no greater magnet for MORE than Gratitude: even the universe will fight in your favor when you constantly express sincere gratitude for ALL you already have.

There will be more to learn simply because your experiences will make more lasting impressions than my words……..and when that still, sure, all-knowing voice speaks please listen, HE is never wrong, never! HE doesn’t even know how to be.