Equation or Experience?

“……It is only in the mysterious equations of love that any logic or reasons can be found……” John Nash

I doubt that I have ever been in love, in retrospect maybe I have been in lust, or in complete delusion, but not sure about love. I mean I don’t exactly fancy anyone I have dated in the past so is it possible that the ‘Love’ I had for them died? Does love die?! Well that is conversation for another day.

I blame this on the fact that I am yet to adequately receive or understand love for what it truly is.

The quote above is from ‘A Beautiful Mind’ a movie about the life of 1994 Nobel Prize in Economics winner, John Nash; I think you should google/YouTube his speech at the end of the movie when he made that statement; for me I gathered that HIS experiences made him conclude that Love, though mysterious and unexplainable actually gives balance and essence to life (and maybe validation for all our hard work).

I wrote ‘HIS’ in capital letter because it was a personal conviction moulded by life’s trials and tests which he survived because he had and experienced LOVE; Love had been a solution, soothing his fears and helping him fight his demons. Love was a first-hand experience of peace after the storm, provider of strength in his weakness and cheerleader when his self-esteem was below zero.

It did not need to be heart racing, stomach twisting, every day beautiful and rosy, we-need-to-breathe-eachother-kind; it was simply an Anchor, a Companion at ALL times- Good and Bad!

I believe in Respect, Friendship, Trust and Commitment; I once told a group of people that I didn’t need to be in love to get married. All but one person thought I was crazy and was only saying that because I was ignorant or cynical. Well I stated my case and we all agreed to disagree.

I’ve seen too many victims of love; and before you start helping me imagine how I have lived a bitter life, no thank you very much, I have had my fair share of disappointments however I am not in any way an ‘angry woman’ rather one open to learn and develop a healthy understanding. I genuinely do not want a perverted view of what I will be sharing with one person for the rest of my life- that’s too long a time to be miserable.

Some may argue that well the character of study here didn’t have all the ‘wisdom’ at the beginning of his marriage/relationship, yes I know but I can bet his partner was already a great supporter, she showed respect for him, was committed to what they shared and she also had faith and believed in him and THEM (mutually and as individuals).

I don’t believe in you waiting for another human being to bring all the solutions to your problems but when you decide to be with someone, definitely you do not want to take a leap into sinking sand; No matter your partner’s own convictions and background, they should bring some level of peace and not stress to the life you intend to share. 

Like I never fail to say, I don’t have all the answers but I try to keep an open mind and my few years interacting with humans have taught me that you can’t make choices based on the butterflies in your stomach because they will die; I have seen that people change; I have seen people genuinely believe they loved someone but didn’t; that most of us are selfish and indecisive and inconsiderate of the consequences of our actions on other’s hearts; that there is a popular expectation/image by the world of what love is however this is the death of most of us and that though there are no rules, we are ever led by our intuitions and innate convictions in matters of the heart yet often fail to listen.

**I genuinely hope we have the courage to follow through when we are shown what to do – in relationships and all life’s events.

**Your opinions matter (most times) so kindly comment ; ) Thanks

Will you ever know?

As I switched on my Blackberry after church on sunday the first thing I saw was "RIP Paul Walker" as a contact's status message; because I hardly believe such news I went straight to my ever willing informant and friend...Google to search if it was true and there it was in nydailynews.com that the Hollywood star was really dead.

Instantly my mind went back to the sermon I had just heard minutes ago; the Reverend talked about how we'll never know when it would be our time to leave this world which truly isn't ours. He encouraged that we get close to our Creator and live right and acceptable to Him.

I sat in the car waiting for my friend and my heart was heavy. As she walked to me and I started telling her what I just heard, I started crying; my friend was surprised because I'm not much of a crier. You may even ask "what's your own? Did you know him?" And I dare say yes, yes I knew Paul Walker because I was a fan, I liked who I saw on television and in magazines. He was an image of Hollywood I admired because I didn't think he was dirty or controversial and yes I knew him because everytime I watched a movie he starred in, Paul Walker and his co- stars had the power to get some form of emotion out of me; either anxiety from the suspense, laughter at the humour or jaw dropping shock at the car stunts they just pulled off (I secretly fell in love with fast cars after 'Fast 5' which is the best to me) But most of all, the news of his death kind of brought home the message of the sermon I just heard.

The Bible talks about patriarchs who at an old age and after a very long life set their affairs in order, gathered their children, blessed them, dusted their feet, lay on their beds and peacefully died; however, that’s not the case when you are young, healthy and with unfulfilled plans.

We often hear clerics tell us to live right and at peace with our Creator but sometimes we forget these Words after a few days; we've also seen times where a movie makes major box office success because one of the actors died before the release or companies begin to investigate or recall a product once there is a controversy involved. However, one thing I'd take away from this is that you can never truly know when it's time to go; for someone like me I’m more worried of the ‘how’.

Driving cars made the 40 year old actor way more popular than he was before his role in the 'Fast' series; he probably got into a car almost everyday of his life and yet he died in one. At the second of the impact no wealth, fame or good looks could save him; he woke up that day with a completely different plan and absolutely NO idea that he won't make it back. Because he wasn't my family member or close friend I can't tell his relationship with his Creator but I believe he was a good guy, he was a blessing to thousands through his work and charity and he will be greatly missed by those who love him. Rest in peace!

 

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Who deserves the Big red ‘A’

There is this book called ‘The Scarlet letter’ by Nathaniel Hawthorne about a woman who had a child from an adulterous affair and had to wear a big red ‘A’ on her chest to show her shame.

I got interested in the book when it was adapted in the 2010 movie ‘Easy A’ (a movie I totally love); I never got to read the novel but thanks to Google I read a plot summary and review.

Recently, after one of my discussions about Boy-Girl relationships with a group of friends, I sat alone and asked the question “What makes a woman wayward?” Like what qualities does she need to possess or what traits would she display to be tagged a wayward girl?

Some people frown at tattoos, piercings, drinking alcohol, smoking, having sex, partying, wearing ‘indecent’ dresses, being single with kids (whether you’re unmarried or a widow) etc. I realised I don’t have an answer to this except what society’s stereotypes try to define as right and wrong.

Maybe due to the rebellious nature of being a youth, I’ve had my fair share of desires; I wanted to have red hair (even made a failed attempt at dying my hair), I wanted to have several piercings (was just waiting for the time I was away from the scrutinizing eyes of my parents long enough), enjoyed male attention, wanted to be a single parent and other things I choose not to reveal here (yes, wos ya bizness?) Anyway, after going through these times and from where I stand now, could you say I was wayward? Would you look at me with my almost red hair, double earrings, ankle chain and my amethyst contact lenses and automatically decorate my room in hell? Would you raise your nose at me if I told you I spent the night at a male friend’s house or I drank JD and coke with friends at a party?

Looking at the book the scarlet letter, the man behind the matter never got punished oh! He wasn’t asked to wear the letter ‘A’, be exiled or do a jail term. And even though the book was set in 1642, much hasn’t really changed- some get punished for being socially unacceptable while some get away with it.

This isn’t a gender equality argument, it’s just me wondering why things are the way they are and why humans are quick to ‘name’, ‘tag’ and ‘judge’ a person (often female), an appearance and a matter.

A recent scandal between a Pastor and a lady got people calling her all sort of names; why? Is it because she had pre-marital sex? Did she have sex with herself? Or because she was bold enough to state her experience? I can never be on anyone’s team in this ‘delicate’ matter but did we ever stop to think that maybe she did it from a place of hurt? From a place of exhaustion; tired of the burden of being expected to be a certain way or even plain ignorance?

We can never ALL be the same; I believe God is who I look to for moral guidance, the Word of God and the Holy Spirit convict me. We’re all born with a conscience (who teaches a 2 year old to hide after breaking a bottle of water?) an inner moral compass that states right from wrong which was placed there by our Creator. I believe this is influenced negatively or positively by our family, experiences, choices and of course the almighty society!!!

I’ll probably still think about this for a while because I don’t have all the answers, I already imagine people will argue with this but I simply put my thoughts on paper. My opinion on this matter may even change because I’m open to learn the truth and be better for it; a place I believe we should all work to be rather than spend energy judging.