I
thought ‘deep’ or ‘complicated’ was better so I often desired to be perceived
that way. I have been described as ‘intelligent’, ‘wise’ or having ‘more to me
than what I revealed’ yet that wasn’t sufficient; hence there was constant
turmoil between who I thought I should be and who I truly am.
I like
simple; simple is stress-free, at least eventually because life may not always
be easy but we can function in simplicity. I like straightforward honest expression
of thoughts; easy conversation; no games or guessing in friendships or romantic
relationships; simple personal style; simple work so even though I can be a
workaholic once I find something I enjoy, I do not need anyone to stress or
micro manage me into delivering my responsibilities. I even like simple ‘beauty’ and makeup
application which turned out to be a bit of a problem considering I am a makeup
artist in Nigeria where the industry and most of its stakeholders do not accept
simple.
So for
years I craved more because I felt simple wasn’t enough; it affected my writing
style, my conversations, my business dealings or pursuit, the knowledge I searched for and the
relationships I tried to establish and keep which ended because I felt
they were false or forced.
Thankfully,
through a long process of self-discovery and acceptance which is still on
going, I decided that I would stick with ‘simple’ because that is me. I stopped
to think that where did my pursuit of complicated get me? Seriously where were
my rewards for being so ‘deep’? I could be my person and there will still be
room- and acceptance- for what I have to offer in and through every aspect of
my life.
And I
also learnt that people actually do like simple too; they think they like deep
and unearthly or grandiose but they like simple just like I do. Or maybe they feel their accomplishments and results can only be validated by complex efforts. I mean the occasional drama and mountain
shaking moments do not hurt because they may be fun or scary or can’t be
controlled but that’s what makes life, life! So they like simple but they think
it is not enough.
I have
followed a particular French blogger for years and after a while I stopped
keeping tabs; I got distracted or I got bored with her but recently I stumbled
upon her twitter handle and decided to go to her blog and after a few reads I
knew she too had gone through a process of growth. So I renewed my vow to her;
she had gone through her process of wanting more or perhaps thinking she was enough
and then completely losing herself. But she was back and better and reading a
few of her posts that gave me this insight, kind of gave me clarity to be able
to explain my own experience too.
I have
come to accept that it is a never ending journey; I am learning to be bold
again (I say again because I once was) because that’s part of simplicity; like
ask questions if I don’t know; say no when I have to; say yes when I want it; learn from others; to
be consistent and focus on the main goal rather than on complex methods that
leave me frustrated.
This is
not permission to be lazy; being weak-willed and lazy would not help us to learn, to grow, to cut off what doesn’t serve us and to be courageous enough to stand for our
‘simple’ whether it is popular or not. For ‘simple’ is beautiful and peace of
mind is crucial.
