I
was stunned! Genuinely and that doesn’t happen often
I
was sitting down and minding my business when a neighbour’s child who was
playing with my nephew asked me “Do you have a husband?”
I
wasn’t angry, at least that wasn’t my first reaction, so I simply said “No I
don’t”. I honestly don’t remember what she said next, all that came to mind was
an image of me at her age and how that question could NEVER have come into my
mind to ask an adult stranger.
Growing
up in the 80s as a Nigerian child, I was taught not to speak unless spoken to,
not to make noise in public, not to breathe outside my house, not to move or
take other people’s property and of course not to ask stupid questions; I mean
how could I even look an adult in the face and ask if she has a husband! What
did I know that a husband was at 4 or 5 years old? When did it become suitable
information to be aware of or add to my knowledge of facts about my
neighbours?!
I’m
still slightly stunned and may not effectively express my mind in this article;
some people may laugh, say I’m being dramatic and call it a child being
inquisitive but I beg to differ, I couldn’t help but think what kind of
conversations do the adults in her house have? Why was she so sure that one of
the things someone who looked like me should possess is a husband?! And
wouldn’t she grow up thinking you must have a husband when you begin to look
‘adult enough’.
That
eventually led me to other thoughts, one of which is how even adults who should
know better don’t mind their business. From what I had for breakfast to why I
chose a purple dress over red, my source of income and then to how my love life
is; people just don’t know how to keep the conversation going ONLY in their
heads. Like this child who asked me the question, I’ve had people who I have no
relationship with whatsoever ask me matters that I consider private.
I
believe that if you don’t fall under the category of lover, family, really
CLOSE friend and friend we have put in the position to discuss certain matters
(trust me some friends have not crossed that sort of line) then please don’t
consider yourself bold enough to address things like a change in complexion;
weight gain; choice of hairstyle; colour of lipstick; age by next birthday; wedding
date (when the last you checked the person was not even in a relationship); how
many months pregnancy and such related
matters as you may not like the response you hear.
Because
I’m a well-mannered child of God and I know some of my comebacks can be
destructive to the human heart, I usually just smile (or at least something
close to a smile) and act like nothing just happened. If it is someone I
genuinely don’t want to disrespect, the situation will be turned into a comedy.
However, if a friend or stranger still insists on not allowing me ‘swerve’
then………..I apologise in advance for what you shall receive.
Whether
asked by a ‘curious’ child or a mindless adult, I think we should all be
careful when we speak to others and what we say in front of others too. I can
bet money this little girl has heard too many marriage related conversations in
her household to be aware and confidently ask someone such, it’s either that or
child training patterns have changed drastically and not for the better.
