I thought ‘deep’ or ‘complicated’ was better so I often desired to be perceived that way. I have been described as ‘intelligent’, ‘wise’ or having ‘more to me than what I revealed’ yet that wasn’t sufficient; hence there was constant turmoil between who I thought I should be and who I truly am.
I like simple; simple is stress-free, at least eventually because life may not always be easy but we can function in simplicity. I like straightforward honest expression of thoughts; easy conversation; no games or guessing in friendships or romantic relationships; simple personal style; simple work so even though I can be a workaholic once I find something I enjoy, I do not need anyone to stress or micro manage me into delivering my responsibilities. I even like simple ‘beauty’ and makeup application which turned out to be a bit of a problem considering I am a makeup artist in Nigeria where the industry and most of its stakeholders do not accept simple.
So for years I craved more because I felt simple wasn’t enough; it affected my writing style, my conversations, my business dealings or pursuit, the knowledge I searched for and the relationships I tried to establish and keep which ended because I felt they were false or forced.
Thankfully, through a long process of self-discovery and acceptance which is still on going, I decided that I would stick with ‘simple’ because that is me. I stopped to think that where did my pursuit of complicated get me? Seriously where were my rewards for being so ‘deep’? I could be my person and there will still be room- and acceptance- for what I have to offer in and through every aspect of my life.
And I also learnt that people actually do like simple too; they think they like deep and unearthly or grandiose but they like simple just like I do. Or maybe they feel their accomplishments and results can only be validated by complex efforts. I mean the occasional drama and mountain shaking moments do not hurt because they may be fun or scary or can’t be controlled but that’s what makes life, life! So they like simple but they think it is not enough.
I have followed a particular French blogger for years and after a while I stopped keeping tabs; I got distracted or I got bored with her but recently I stumbled upon her twitter handle and decided to go to her blog and after a few reads I knew she too had gone through a process of growth. So I renewed my vow to her; she had gone through her process of wanting more or perhaps thinking she was enough and then completely losing herself. But she was back and better and reading a few of her posts that gave me this insight, kind of gave me clarity to be able to explain my own experience too.
I have come to accept that it is a never ending journey; I am learning to be bold again (I say again because I once was) because that’s part of simplicity; like ask questions if I don’t know; say no when I have to; say yes when I want it; learn from others; to be consistent and focus on the main goal rather than on complex methods that leave me frustrated.
This is not permission to be lazy; being weak-willed and lazy would not help us to learn, to grow, to cut off what doesn’t serve us and to be courageous enough to stand for our ‘simple’ whether it is popular or not. For ‘simple’ is beautiful and peace of mind is crucial.