Thursday, 19 January 2017

Is it really you, demon or your ego?

I had a bad day today, one of those ones you just lie down most of the day and paint the worst possible scenarios of your life; it took prayer, motivational and happy YouTube videos and lunatic looking self talk to snap out of it! I didn’t want to see or talk to anyone because I didn’t want to pretend I was happy and it didn’t help too that all my devices had low battery most of the day. But I decided there was no need, I STILL won’t achieve anything if I stayed low and down.
After sometime, I became proud of myself because there was a time I would have nursed this moodiness and blamed the world and would have held on to the bad attitude as if it were a trophy or something to be proud of. I have been at the receiving end of people’s moody behaviour and it is not a good place to be in, especially if it is a loved one, you would want to tell them to go to hell but you love them and because you care about whatever relationship you have with the person, you hold your tongue and help them come out of it or you step back and pray they come out soon enough.
One thing I have also experienced is people who get angry when I am in a mood; if you cannot be considerate and do what I stated above then by all means GET OUT!! Even though I would admit some people get moody for no apparent reason, don’t make it worse. This is not about you, I cannot be thinking of ways to heal and also cater to your own ego so please!! Do not be selfish and insensitive, people are going through things they may never be able to fully express. And one thing I have learnt is that, on my own bad day if I decide to relegate my own emotions and help another person, I end up feeling better.
Moodiness is of the devil! I am not even joking, I think it is very ugly especially when you are known for it and I undoubtedly believe it is a display of pride; like why are you nursing a bad attitude often, making people around you uncomfortable and acting like being in a dark place is cool and acceptable or would gain you respect? If something is wrong, talk let us help you. When I do not really know what is causing my mood, I would rather go into hiding like I did today so that I won’t use my own to affect others but some people come to full view or even call you to talk and then say nothing as if I am omniscient!
If you are suffering from depression (uncontrollable bouts of moodiness is a common symptom) which is something I have been delivered from then I sympathize with you and because sometimes you have no control over these things but I know you can be delivered if you want to.
I now believe there is nothing that serious in this life; I mean if you have access to any device and can read this online then you are considered elite in the world with basic necessities available to you. So please believe every form of darkness will give way to Light; you will outlive the shame of that mistake and forgive yourself; you will genuinely smile again; you will heal or develop the strength to deal with and grow through that pain; and you will not be lonely forever but it is up to you to you allow the right people who truly love you into your life and space.

Thursday, 12 January 2017

Lessons from the Ark

About 2 days ago, I read a piece about Noah in the Bible and the Ark he built. I remembered learning in my freshman year that it took him 120 years to build the ark and since then I have always been in awe of his consistency and trust in God; I mean I can’t even maintain a diet for one month! (Although some scholars contest this fact however that’s not the essence of this post). Once again I was struck by another fact that ‘Noah had no experience in Carpentry or Ark building’ I mean there probably had never been record of such grand woodworks prior to this time yet a man of the soil heard and obeyed God and went to work; a task he completed excellently. I mean the ark preserved mankind so it is safe to believe it was a huge success.
I was once again impressed and then immediately sad and a bit disappointed in myself; how many times had I told myself I couldn’t achieve something based on the excuse of not having knowledge or experience? I have lost count of how many times my fear or lack of trust kept me grounded and non-progressive. Society and the corporate world also doesn’t help with this mindset and that is why I wouldn’t apply for a job I have always dreamed of because it has been rung in my ears countless times that I will not get it because I do not know how to do it! We do not give people the chance to grow and learn; we also do not give ourselves the chance too. Therefore most of us are stuck and frustrated.
I have given up on dreams because even when I tell myself I can learn, I begin to convince myself that maybe it isn’t worth the investment of time and other resources but I find myself being depressed, overwhelmed by feelings of being a failure. Very recently, I moved an idea from being a farfetched dream to being a goal I intend to achieve; I do not know what and how to do it but I know I may not heal from the disappointment if I do not at least try. Coming across that piece on Noah was a push I needed; it is possible to learn, and grow and be super excellent at something that will eventually bring solace to many. I believe Noah’s motivation was obedience to God; a desire to please Him as well as to see mankind preserved; I also believe he probably dwelt on these daily anytime the naysayers reared their ugly heads and opinions.
So I asked myself; ‘Anu what is your motivation?’Someone asked me a few days ago, “What are you helping people achieve? Who are you sent to?” Knowing the answer to these types of questions would keep you going; it would help you decide that being dogged and committed to consistent learning, building capacity and growth no matter the industry or path you choose will lead to what you consider to be success.
God told Noah the materials to use but I know HE didn’t come down to knock the wood in place for him. Noah did the work and even if he may have had doubts and was exhausted, he made progress. He wasn’t young or wealthy and he didn’t have machinery. I sometimes imagine that he asked some people questions; or that he melted a few of his wife’s pots trying to get the perfect binding substance or he cut himself a few times thumping and chopping. Whatever his experiences, HE DID IT! He finished and almost the whole of human existence acknowledges him today.  
So today, I encourage myself and you too, that ‘you can do ANYTHING! Anything at all!’ Believe it and get to work! Do not let fears or lack of faith deter you; focus on the benefits of the end result and the truth that you would learn so much on your journey. You have it in you! You already have the capacity to do whatever you set your mind to; you just cannot afford to give up! I also realised that the help you need is always somehow available; I can testify to this because it sometimes feels like magic when I am thinking of how to do something and I may just decide to mention it randomly and boom! There just happens to be someone around so very gracious and willing to offer ALL the help I need.
I love a text below; always remember you are already empowered to do more!!

Thursday, 5 January 2017

I am not my least not really

I am obsessed with lists; it’s a habit I have had for the longest time and with no idea of its root. I always have a notebook or at least a post it pad where I have a list of ‘things to do’; ‘to buy’; ‘to pack’; ‘make sure you don’t forget’; ‘random thought’; ‘things I will like to see or achieve’ and the lists about lists were just endless and frustrating because once I wrote a list, it took up a space in the compartment in my brain labelled ‘Things to accomplish’ and sadly as someone who is driven by results, imagine how I would feel when I did not complete the items on these lists? I was so consumed with the feeling of accomplishment that if I ever did something outside my list, I would feel inclined to write it and then strike it off as an accomplishment for the day.
One day a few months ago, I came across something online about not ‘glorifying busy’ and when I read the article I felt like the author was my spirit; because even though before this day I knew it was a problem I needed to deal with, I could not identify or define exactly what I needed to fix so imagine my shock and relief when someone could adequately put into writing what I could not express.
I decided it was time to take action to fix me; and guess what I did? I wrote more lists on things to do to get rid of my list writing addiction. Do not misunderstand me, I get that it is great to be organized and have plans but not when you are also battling the spirit of procrastination, fear and long periods of no motivation to function! Trust me it was messy and sometimes still gets that way.
I cannot say when I learnt the balance; I am still in recovery but now I know writing and not acting will not automatically make the things on the list go away. I wanted my good intentions and efforts to translate to results and rewards; I wanted progress but there was no way to get that if I had one million lists and nothing to show for it except an untidy handbag and inkless pens.
I still write, I don’t think I can ever stop, that is how I function but now I focus on getting what I want rather than how putting ink on paper makes me feel. I try not to see things as tiresome chores but a means to an end; necessary things that I need to do now that will make my life and the lives of others better; I am also winning my battle with procrastination so no matter how tired I am, I tell myself not getting up to deal now will make things worse and trigger negative effects I can avoid; besides I need to ‘adult’ whether I am in the mood or not. I sometimes ask for help when I truly need to; I also break down my lists into simple achievable goals and then do them regardless of the level of fear that is consuming my mind; what’s the worst that could happen? How would I know what I need to if I don’t try?
So I would keep trying, I may be slow or ignorant or afraid but I will ACT and bask in the  joy that finally my lists will bring the rewards I have always desired and deserved and knowing it was ME who did it!

I wish you a ‘more productive than active’ year!!!😀😀

Wednesday, 26 October 2016

The opposite of Instagram

One night I couldn’t sleep so I decided to scroll through Instagram and for some reason I came across a lot of couples; various pictures of people and their partners and I thought to myself “how are these people to each other when not on Instagram?” Everyone is well made up (even some men), looking beautiful and dapper, all fresh skinned and flawless but what really goes on when the lights and props are down and out, crew members have gone home and it is just 2 of them?
It led me to think about partners who never completely ‘show’ themselves while dating. I had a friend years ago whose man friend never saw her without makeup!! In my opinion, that is just too much pressure. Besides physical appearance, what true traits do we display? Have you or your partner ever done something months after being together and the reaction is “I am dead! What have I got myself into?” One funny example I have is a friend who didn’t know her then boyfriend had OCD as he lived in a different town and was in for a rude awakening when she stayed over for a few days, she actually confessed to questioning her own cleanliness.
I respect process and how somethings may require time to rear their heads however we should also be honest and admit that we hold back sometimes and live life as if there are always paparazzi at every corner, even inside our houses oh!
I thought about a few things that ‘regular’ people deal with and there is no filter to conceal these matters. I also asked friends who are dating or married;

o   A Female trying to get rid of facial hair – trust me the struggle to get rid of a moustache or under chin hair is real for some of my kind
o   Getting rid of hair in other places you do not want them.
o   Please know that there is no pretty way to bath or shave; all those soap and razor adverts are liars
o   Dealing with unpleasant breath; and not just bad morning breath but that end of the day thing when your partner kisses you after eating all the food in the world.
o   Fart – you may ask is this even a thing to hold back? For some people, yes it is.
o   Eating when you are ridiculously hungry – so years ago I had a crush on a guy and then I saw him eat (guzzle a bowl of food) when he was really hungry! *closes eyes for effects*........ Let’s just leave it.
o   How you behave when you are really hungry and food doesn’t come quick enough; ever seen the meme of a dog looking shame faced with the caption “I am sorry for all I said when I was hungry”? It is not a joke; people are badly behaved when hungry
o   The look on your face when exercising (and out of breathe) or taking a dump
o   Trying to cover up things like stretch marks, cellulites, scars, uneven body parts, love handles and belly folds – please note that your partner also has at least 1 of these and it is NOT a bad thing
o   When your nose, armpit or privates itch – Please what is the neat way of handling this issue?
o   Drooling, talking in your sleep or snoring – this can be very ugly.
o   When you are broke or how you handle money
o   When you are ill – some people change personality and you start to wonder
o   When you are angry – some people are yet to learn how not to transfer aggression or separate events and people, so once their mood changes it is time to run for cover.

These are just a few of the things I could think of; please feel free to share your own ‘reality’ in your relationship.  
Make sure you see your partner on a bad or lazy day- in shorts, rumpled t-shirt, no makeup, unshaved and in an unpleasant situation. Seriously, some people look completely different when they are not all dressed up and arranged. It’s easy to call this being superficial but please be realistic; you have to be sure you are still attracted to the person without their beauty enhancing armour!