Addiction: Saved by the Purple Lipstick

I’ve always wondered how people develop addictions- medication abuse, excessive alcohol consumption, shopping and hoarding and so on, I came close to the answer sometime in 2012 when for a period I insanely craved ‘something’. I use the word ‘something’ because till this minute I don’t know what I wanted, I just needed something different, ‘out of my routine’ that would make me feel better or good or free or numb!

I wanted something to hold on to that didn’t have an anchor so I didn’t have to be committed; I searched for activities that provided temporary comfort because truly there is always a price to pay for a good you desire- and I wasn’t ready to do so.

At various times I’ve had ‘almost’ addictions (some I can’t mention because I’ll have to kill all my readers) but recently I was faced with a truth “I’m addicted to work”; I have to just keep doing something, if I'm not working, I'm thinking about work, if I'm not thinking then I'm dreaming of work when I fall asleep. I constantly have to do something and when I’m not doing something then I'm worried that I’m not doing something and that I’ve become lazy and I’ll never achieve my dreams and I’ll wake up one morning old, grey and a failure because I allowed myself sleep a few more minutes or I even stopped to breathe!

I measure success by what I see in my hands; which isn’t totally bad but not when I forget the good I have and blindly be consumed by what I don’t have yet. And so it happened, a few weeks ago I fell ill and before anyone could say anything I knew it was because I NEVER rest until I'm literally knocked down and that’s exactly what happened to me. I was afraid of what I had done, first I was angry at the amount of time I had to waste trying to get well until I realized if I died my laptop would be returned to my office, my make up would probably be shared amongst my sisters and my clothes would be given out because I'm the round one whose clothes are too big for everyone in my family. Point is, it gave me time to think.

And the hard truth is not all my work exactly brought results; activity didn’t mean productivity and it was painful to realize. Definitely I had learnt things, made less money than I wanted, built capacity, met a few important people that don’t remember me because I'm poor at networking, made the best of friends (that I was slowly losing because I had become anti social) however, I wasn’t satisfied, happy and I still had a lot to learn and a whole lot more that I wanted.

So one day I sit up, consciously relax and get up to take a walk for fresh air and in search of moi moi, yes moi moi because if I didn’t eat it at that exact moment I may have died. As I walked I saw a make up shop I’d been telling myself I’d visit for more than a year now. I enter and decide to make enquiries about certain items I needed. Unfortunately (and fortunately) I met a nice sales guy who after trying to sell me boxes, concealer and eyeshadow finally showed me a creamy purple lipstick.

I’d have to say that the guy is good because I was making enquiries NOT supposed to buy anything but he put the tester on my lips and voila! My eyes suddenly looked brown and MORE beautiful, my skin looked lighter and clearer and my headache didn’t seem so painful- just like that I had been healed by the Purple Lipstick!

I pay for my new purchase, suppressing the guilt until I realized I was genuinely happy! Not only because I just added to my growing lipstick collection but because I did something that made me happy, I didn’t worry that I wasn’t spending time doing hard labour or wasting time or money. This simple act opened my mind to other things I won’t bother sharing but take it from me I’m dealing with my ‘fruitless work addiction’.

Maybe I’ll use another addiction to take me out of my addiction to work; not the senseless type I searched for in 2012 but something fun, decent and doesn’t hurt anyone……like dancing, RESTING when I’m tired or buying more lipsticks!!! LOL and of course eating moi moi too because that one that day was of life!!!

Oh yeah…..Happy Valentine’s Day

In the picture is me being beautiful in THE Purple Lipstick and my good friend (and adopted sister) Ezinne who is lazy to use Make up daily but is an ever ready Face Model when I need one!