“I cannot believe my children will not meet you!”
This is one thought I have almost every day. I feel bad for
them, for the greatness they will miss out on.
I always imagined them in your house, learning from you
because sadly I don’t know if I have fully understood how to transfer the awesomeness
I experienced through you to them.
This life sha!! So for real for 2 years now, I haven’t called
your phone to give you gist?!
It’s the weirdest thing not talking to you, we talked ALL the
time. So much has happened and I just want to tell you everything.
Recently, I saw a movie on Yoruba African magic and I shook my
head and walked away; it was like an unspoken rule that I only watched Nigerian
movies with you. If I watched with other people, it wasn’t half as fun because
you ran commentary- laughing, shouting, and judging. And if the character you
were rooting for in the movie had any positive encounter, you would rejoice as
if it was your good fortune.
My new low-budget movie watching partner is M.O and so far she
is doing a good job of making me shake my head, LOL!
As I said before, I honestly don’t know what I have done without
you these past years. I am sure my siblings feel the same way and I worry about them.
I remember a few hours after you transitioned, I was walking
on the road and I saw myself put on armor; like a new journey just began and
I was being adorned with the tools for war. Mehnnn!! I don’t know the words to
use but just know that I have grown; your kids have all grown! There are so
many things I understand better now, and I can’t help but hear your voice
telling me things like not to get weary in prayer or to be patient and always “do
my own for God!” See ehn, you were a child of God, I can’t even lie! Because if
they leave me to roam, I will kill people. Somethings happen and I will be like
“this is what Modupe was saying oh!”
I miss you oh! You are the absolute love of my life! I don’t think
I will heal from this heartbreak; I am just learning to live with it. I think
about you even when I am not thinking, you are like this permanent subconscious
event that is stuck with me forever.
My life was altered when you passed; NOTHING could have prepared me for it. Sometimes I feel like maybe it didn’t happen. But it did!
One
thing I am most grateful for is that, even in those moments when the wave of
grief feels like it is going to stop my heart, I am comforted knowing you are
at peace, in a better place away from all the negativity in this world. One
day, M.O said, “It’s the person who has passed away that is enjoying!” And I
completely agree, I love you enough to release you into enjoyment; that’s okay
for me! So keep enjoying my darling!
