I
listened to an interview on Oprah’s network about 2 years ago and the person
being interviewed talked about how we can sometimes hold on to falsehood so
long that it becomes our reality; a reality that's blurred and no matter how
long we seem to thrive in this space, we are eventually left disillusioned or
frustrated.
I have
found this to be true; because the mind is so powerful that once it creates and
focuses on an image, it is only a matter of time before it becomes real (at least
to the bearer of the thoughts). Most of us have gone through the same
particular experience more times than shame will allow us admit; the catalyst
may come in different packages but it's usually the same story. To be fair, we
may be clueless about the pattern at first and blame it on bad luck or bad
environment or lack of guidance but as we mature or go through it repeatedly,
there are things we begin to recognize or just know without trying too hard to
decipher.
The
unfortunate thing is we often misunderstand so we take what should have been
lessons that would keep us strong for our journey and turn them to tents to
permanently reside; trying to force what is not and cannot be our eternal
reality. It’s not rocket science to know that this can break any individual, especially
messing with your self-esteem and state of mind.
Whenever
we reach this level of knowledge, we intuitively recognize the things and
people who trigger these experiences and that the effects are bad for us but we
convince ourselves to stick to what is familiar; to give in to the lies of accepting
that we can’t do better; we feel like we will lose some benefits; or we are
just too afraid, too lazy or weak to take a stand and fight against what we have
grown to know is not right. Sadly, abuse is inevitable when we do not realize
our self-worth; it's just human nature, it serves others when you are available
for them to treat in ways that benefit them.
Yet I
have learnt that we are all able to break free from what doesn't serve us right
and whatever makes us feel less than we are. Because even though I may genuinely
not have control over some of life’s happenings and painful emotions are real, I
refuse to continually be a victim of someone else’s selfishness, insecurity or
inability to respect me enough to do the right thing at all times. It is up to
me to not be quiet, to say NO and not accommodate it.
But I
have been my own ‘enemy’ because the ability to remain consistently strong and
sure of myself has to come from me being void of any form of self-deceit or blurred
reality. To be able to tell myself hard truths, accept my shortcomings, warped
mind set and to be determined to fix me as often as is required; to love myself
with no condemnation or conditions; to not be afraid of being alone; to accept
that I am enough and can only get better; to be okay with the truth that not
everyone will be open to me and to believe that I have amazingness to offer
those who will and to make friends with the word ‘NO’ when what I should not
give is required of me. So whenever internal or external beings present a familiar
‘negative’ script, I will smell the ‘horse manure’ and not question my ability
to function excellently without it!
