How will I work out my dietary salvation?

I like food; I like to admire food and relish the amazingness of flavours and colours and tastes. I love beans and plantain, burgers, fries or some sea food soaked in a Mediterranean sauce but I also swing to the other side and would gladly consume supposedly boring healthy options like carrots, cucumbers, cauliflower rice and calorie-free granola muffins.

I like food .......but I AM TIRED!!!

I’m so exhausted I could cry!

I’m beginning to feel like I’m going to some food hell and quite frankly I sometimes think it won’t be such a bad idea. Haba! it is really unfair because I do not even eat (maybe when I am in a party sha and it’s been a while I indulged and my mama didn’t raise me to waste food); most of the time I am afraid to eat or I am too mentally lazy to even decide what to eat but as there is no justice in the world, all I need to do is just dream or look at food and I get fat! Fear won’t let me be great because the way my waist and arms are set up, all the food goes there rather than go into my stomach to be completely digested or below my back *wink*

If it was that I led a completely unhealthy lifestyle now I could take the blame but this has been a lifelong battle. So I can start my day with 2 slices of wheat bread and coffee or fibre cereal sweetened with cinnamon; snack on almonds or an apple; drink 3 litres of lemon flavoured water; have cous cous and fish/chicken for lunch (which often becomes an early dinner) and then BOOM! Someone would just come with puff puff or chocolate biscuits or chips or caramel popcorn or suya!!!!!! Which manner of demon is this?? And nobody should mention lack of self-control to me, thank you!

I looked through old pictures recently and I just started thinking of my life and if this will be an eternal cross to bear; because even if I do the work and lose weight, how would I keep it off? Yes, yes I know “gradual process”, “make it a lifestyle”, “blah blah keep story for tortoise” I KNOW! But developing that lifestyle seems like something in a distant future and I am faithless enough to believe I will fall back into being unfit and unhealthy as I have done several times in the past so is there really redemption?

Today I have no kind words of encouragement; this is me on a rant. I know someone might want to preach to me about loving yourself, Oh darling I do, however today ‘they’ are really trying me and for the moment I have given in.

So you can give me kind advice or laugh gently (at) with me in the comment section, it may make me feel better!

I had ice cream yesterday

……and the day before that

 

What makes this information special is because I’m trying to be on a diet and I’ve built a slow yet steady healthy pattern for a while

But I failed the past days- no form of exercise and I piled on the calories

I have an excuse – it started with a bad day…..

It was more like a series of unfortunate events and rather than vent or do something drastic to cool off, I settled for ice cream

When it was over and I started getting a tummy ache, I realised the folly of my action

I was even too ashamed to work out and jump off what I had consumed

So I fell into a shallow darkness (shallow because I slapped myself out of it) and it made me think about how we ‘act out’ and generally misbehave while blaming our lack of self-control on -“I had a bad day!, “I’m depressed”, “Ï am already fat so why try?”,  “I’m ill so let me just indulge today”, “I’m desperate and there is no time”, “It’s not my fault things are like this”, "people are so inconsiderate"- and then engage in baseless activities that can only beget feelings of shame and failure.

Well I’ve come to realize the hard way that it’s all a heap of horse manure when we indulge in things we know have negative consequences; when we go back to a habit we have been delivered from or generally express some form of bad behaviour because we’re upset: who told you that the universe and her inhabitants care that much about your bad day or life? That is not sufficient to make silly decisions that affect your progress and maybe selfishly affect others. 

Do you think we’ll understand why you yelled at a genuinely irritating potential client in a moment of frustration; why you threw that phone against the wall in the presence of people; why you broke that man’s side view mirror even though he deserved it and sometimes we even go as far as throwing caution to the wind and call that ridiculous person from your past because you’re bored or sad or you feel they would make you feel better……FOUL! You just opened the door for a domino effect of more horse manure!!

No excuses, if you’re having a bad day, suck it up! I don’t intend to be smooth and diplomatic, this is me talking to myself and anyone else who reads this; we already possess the strength to say NO to what would make us hang our heads a few minutes, hours or days’ time. We are not children who can get away with throwing an occasional tantrum, sulking or be pampered with candy when something unpleasant happens. This is real life and we’re expected to take responsibility – there MAY be exceptions but sometimes these exceptions become an upward review in dress size 6 or 9 months later, or that drunken text produced you a crown of friend with benefit or needing an AA meeting and that potential client you yelled at completely destroyed your reputation on Instagram or that person whose window you broke becomes your future in-law (extreme I know) but nothing is impossible here!

Just calm down! Seriously! Decide and carry out realistic steps to try solve whatever the problem is and if you need a break, develop some other healthy activity to distract you – Pray, sleep, eat an apple, sing, go dancing or walking, watch a movie, call a good old friend, call your mother, stay at the office and finish everybody’s assignment for them (Lol) ANYTHING BUT stupid behaviour you will regret later. All the Best!

By the way, I’m yet to fully recover from my fall but I don’t intend to be down any longer…..this post was my first point of liberation! And thank you for coming back after so long to read……. XOXO