I like to scribble, especially when I feel
overwhelmed and this eventually leads me to writing and pouring out what’s on
my mind on paper. Most times it may not be coherent to anyone who reads it
because I just let it out and ‘edit’ later but it makes me feel like my
concerns are easier to handle.
I think I have consistently done this more in
the past few months than any other time in my life; a few weeks ago, I decided
to re-evaluate what I really wanted, to make me feel more confident about
myself and my goals. I needed clarity yet I was more confused than before so I
decided to think of things I didn’t want to permit or express in my life anymore.
-
I
will no longer feel sorry for myself; I am my worst critic and I often forget
how far I have come.
-
I
will not dwell in that place of questioning my ability to make my life better.
-
I
will not accept defeat; I used to give up too easily and that has got me
nothing I like.
-
I
will not allow myself mourn an irreversible loss beyond the necessary period of
time.
-
I
will not be shy to talk to someone that I admire or desire to learn from.
-
I
will stop being jealous (though this was hard to admit) rather I would emulate
their steps to success or work out mine.
-
I
will stop procrastinating; I learnt this happens from a place of fear of
failure and not laziness.
-
I
will stop giving certain people my time; A LOT of people do not deserve it and
this is not being proud, this is me being aware of my worth and how precious
time is.
-
I
will no longer stay in hiding; all I require will not come and meet me in my
room.
-
I
will not keep quiet; this is tricky but I realised in recent time that The
Spirit has been helping me talk at the right time and say the right things. People
do take your silence for consent or weakness; the idea is to have a balance.
-
I
will say NO and will not feel guilty.
-
I
will not allow people make me feel bad about things that make me who I am; did
you ever have that friend in secondary school or a partner who just has a
negative opinion about everything you do? So they judge your hairstyle; your
clothes; your eating pattern; the way you walk; the way you breathe??? Making
you feel like nothing is right about you? No matter how confident you are, when
someone has negative things to say to you all the time it would eventually get
to you but learn to FREE THAT TYPE! Let them know their opinion doesn’t matter,
and these people are usually the ones who actually need to be fixed.
It seemed I had begun practising some things on
the list even before I realized what I was doing, so I decided to be more
intentional and hopeful that this will lead me to know the things I do want and
go for them with courage. I know with
time, this list may change but that’s okay, which will mean I have learnt my
lessons and grown to another level that demands more from me.
