The Day

I smiled when you spoke to me

I felt the worried look you gave me

A smile definitely wasn’t what you expected to get from me

But I have no other reaction; nothing else to express except this smile

For that which I feared the most had happened

Finally, I had lost you…..

Maybe if you died I won’t feel this much pain

But you were right here, yet I was convinced you’ll never be with me again

I don’t remember when you walked away but I know you left

All that is going through my mind are the times I spent……..

Waiting at the window, willing to hear the hoot of your car horn

Sitting up and hoping you come home to me

Wishing I don’t smell evidence of where you’ve been when you give me an awkward hug

Dying for you to just look into my eyes and smile happily, genuinely

Longing for you to touch my face and tell me how much you missed me

As you hold my hand and lead me to our couch telling me how your day was.

I prayed fervently for you, held your hand when I sensed something was wrong because you stopped telling me things

I longed for Sundays because that was the only day you stayed with me for more than a few hours thanks to church and weekly lunch at your brother’s house

I got dressed for you and made sure I was never bigger than a size 12, just a dress size bigger than the size 10 I was when we got married

I cooked your best meals yet you stopped eating

Every night you returned and simply walked into the room claiming to be tired

You used to hold me when you sleep, even if it’s just my hand

Like you needed an assurance I won’t disappear during the night but you began to sleep with your back to me

Sometimes I sensed that you were awake and I called out your name softly in the dark but you stayed quiet

You no longer took calls beside me, claiming it’s from the office

Since when did official calls become so important on weekends?

I got tired of lying to your colleagues’ wives when they accused me of not coming to a gathering organized by the office

When the truth is you never even informed me

Sometimes I felt you staring at me when you think I’m not looking

Your look is of sadness or guilt or anger

And I long for you to just tell me what it is, something, anything!

I used to be able to say anything to you but I was afraid to ask you this one thing

For the first time in 13 years I have known you, I was afraid of the answer you’d give me if I asked you what was going on

And now you gave me an answer, the answer to a question I didn’t even ask

On the day I have the best news ever,

The day I confirm that I’m pregnant with our first child after 10 years of marriage and 9 years of trying

The day you tell me that another woman just had your baby………….