Hey you

You need to get it together; because there is nowhere else to go but up

Aren’t you tired of being down? What else is down there for you?

No one understands again because they all got up and left you there.

You forget so easily and that is your greatest problem; your mind….

And how you allow yourself believe so many lies.

No force in this universe is on your side until you show who the boss is.

You think ‘they’ are considerate of how much you have going on? Trust me if you succumb to the pressure and give up, that works just fine because that’s one less great person to deal with.

Learn to mend yourself because nothing external can fix you; it starts from within.

DECIDE to have Courage! That’s the foundation for consistency.

In spite of fear, challenges and setbacks, GET BACK IN THE LANE!

What do you think you are here for? Why do you think you haven’t taken your last breathe?

There is MORE than how you feel right now.

Why are you waiting for help? It won’t come because you don’t need it,

You need to stop being sorry for yourself and rise out of your head.

Adversity will come; people will take you for a fool sometimes because your heart is good; they will steal from you under the guise of familiarity; they will say and do things that hurt; they will leave you and with all your good intentions you may sometimes reap evil instead.

But STAND; Stand STILL and be SURE of who you are,

Because you are ENOUGH!

You are ENOUGH; good the way you are and it is NO fault of yours when people behave badly, it is a reflection of themselves and their experiences and NOT yours so you don’t have to deal with that. Your looks, your knowledge, your laughter, your talent, your heart is and will be enough; not for everybody though but be aware and accept that it is enough.

Some people will never like you or accept you and that is FINE! This is painful especially since you may like them, or trust them or believed they have something to offer you; male or female relationships?! Let it go if it is causing stress and not peace or progress.

Regardless of what you experience do NOT be selfish, greedy or inconsiderate; they are some of the worst flaws and do NOT make you feel better about yourself.

Be careful how you make people feel; you may genuinely be better than them but only because you are to help them! Never feel the need to make fun of others or make them feel less than they are; NO ONE including you on your most confident day likes to feel or be treated low or with no regard.

And ‘learn’ how to forgive…..I say learn because I know this is one of the hardest things to do. Most of the time we think we have forgiven a hurt but we haven’t so we let go of people but not let go of the events when it should be the other way round. Also learn to forgive yourself, because everything you did you knew, and your choices brought you to where you are now but as long as it didn’t kill you then you have been blessed with the chance to fix or change things.

Contentment and prudence are keys to peace when it comes to finance and material things; I’m not saying you shouldn’t desire more but beyond self-comfort, understand your motive.

There is no greater magnet for MORE than Gratitude: even the universe will fight in your favor when you constantly express sincere gratitude for ALL you already have.

There will be more to learn simply because your experiences will make more lasting impressions than my words……..and when that still, sure, all-knowing voice speaks please listen, HE is never wrong, never! HE doesn’t even know how to be. 

Equation or Experience?

“……It is only in the mysterious equations of love that any logic or reasons can be found……” John Nash

I doubt that I have ever been in love, in retrospect maybe I have been in lust, or in complete delusion, but not sure about love. I mean I don’t exactly fancy anyone I have dated in the past so is it possible that the ‘Love’ I had for them died? Does love die?! Well that is conversation for another day.

I blame this on the fact that I am yet to adequately receive or understand love for what it truly is.

The quote above is from ‘A Beautiful Mind’ a movie about the life of 1994 Nobel Prize in Economics winner, John Nash; I think you should google/YouTube his speech at the end of the movie when he made that statement; for me I gathered that HIS experiences made him conclude that Love, though mysterious and unexplainable actually gives balance and essence to life (and maybe validation for all our hard work).

I wrote ‘HIS’ in capital letter because it was a personal conviction moulded by life’s trials and tests which he survived because he had and experienced LOVE; Love had been a solution, soothing his fears and helping him fight his demons. Love was a first-hand experience of peace after the storm, provider of strength in his weakness and cheerleader when his self-esteem was below zero.

It did not need to be heart racing, stomach twisting, every day beautiful and rosy, we-need-to-breathe-eachother-kind; it was simply an Anchor, a Companion at ALL times- Good and Bad!

I believe in Respect, Friendship, Trust and Commitment; I once told a group of people that I didn’t need to be in love to get married. All but one person thought I was crazy and was only saying that because I was ignorant or cynical. Well I stated my case and we all agreed to disagree.

I’ve seen too many victims of love; and before you start helping me imagine how I have lived a bitter life, no thank you very much, I have had my fair share of disappointments however I am not in any way an ‘angry woman’ rather one open to learn and develop a healthy understanding. I genuinely do not want a perverted view of what I will be sharing with one person for the rest of my life- that’s too long a time to be miserable.

Some may argue that well the character of study here didn’t have all the ‘wisdom’ at the beginning of his marriage/relationship, yes I know but I can bet his partner was already a great supporter, she showed respect for him, was committed to what they shared and she also had faith and believed in him and THEM (mutually and as individuals).

I don’t believe in you waiting for another human being to bring all the solutions to your problems but when you decide to be with someone, definitely you do not want to take a leap into sinking sand; No matter your partner’s own convictions and background, they should bring some level of peace and not stress to the life you intend to share. 

Like I never fail to say, I don’t have all the answers but I try to keep an open mind and my few years interacting with humans have taught me that you can’t make choices based on the butterflies in your stomach because they will die; I have seen that people change; I have seen people genuinely believe they loved someone but didn’t; that most of us are selfish and indecisive and inconsiderate of the consequences of our actions on other’s hearts; that there is a popular expectation/image by the world of what love is however this is the death of most of us and that though there are no rules, we are ever led by our intuitions and innate convictions in matters of the heart yet often fail to listen.

**I genuinely hope we have the courage to follow through when we are shown what to do – in relationships and all life’s events.

**Your opinions matter (most times) so kindly comment ; ) Thanks

I had ice cream yesterday

……and the day before that

 

What makes this information special is because I’m trying to be on a diet and I’ve built a slow yet steady healthy pattern for a while

But I failed the past days- no form of exercise and I piled on the calories

I have an excuse – it started with a bad day…..

It was more like a series of unfortunate events and rather than vent or do something drastic to cool off, I settled for ice cream

When it was over and I started getting a tummy ache, I realised the folly of my action

I was even too ashamed to work out and jump off what I had consumed

So I fell into a shallow darkness (shallow because I slapped myself out of it) and it made me think about how we ‘act out’ and generally misbehave while blaming our lack of self-control on -“I had a bad day!, “I’m depressed”, “Ï am already fat so why try?”,  “I’m ill so let me just indulge today”, “I’m desperate and there is no time”, “It’s not my fault things are like this”, "people are so inconsiderate"- and then engage in baseless activities that can only beget feelings of shame and failure.

Well I’ve come to realize the hard way that it’s all a heap of horse manure when we indulge in things we know have negative consequences; when we go back to a habit we have been delivered from or generally express some form of bad behaviour because we’re upset: who told you that the universe and her inhabitants care that much about your bad day or life? That is not sufficient to make silly decisions that affect your progress and maybe selfishly affect others. 

Do you think we’ll understand why you yelled at a genuinely irritating potential client in a moment of frustration; why you threw that phone against the wall in the presence of people; why you broke that man’s side view mirror even though he deserved it and sometimes we even go as far as throwing caution to the wind and call that ridiculous person from your past because you’re bored or sad or you feel they would make you feel better……FOUL! You just opened the door for a domino effect of more horse manure!!

No excuses, if you’re having a bad day, suck it up! I don’t intend to be smooth and diplomatic, this is me talking to myself and anyone else who reads this; we already possess the strength to say NO to what would make us hang our heads a few minutes, hours or days’ time. We are not children who can get away with throwing an occasional tantrum, sulking or be pampered with candy when something unpleasant happens. This is real life and we’re expected to take responsibility – there MAY be exceptions but sometimes these exceptions become an upward review in dress size 6 or 9 months later, or that drunken text produced you a crown of friend with benefit or needing an AA meeting and that potential client you yelled at completely destroyed your reputation on Instagram or that person whose window you broke becomes your future in-law (extreme I know) but nothing is impossible here!

Just calm down! Seriously! Decide and carry out realistic steps to try solve whatever the problem is and if you need a break, develop some other healthy activity to distract you – Pray, sleep, eat an apple, sing, go dancing or walking, watch a movie, call a good old friend, call your mother, stay at the office and finish everybody’s assignment for them (Lol) ANYTHING BUT stupid behaviour you will regret later. All the Best!

By the way, I’m yet to fully recover from my fall but I don’t intend to be down any longer…..this post was my first point of liberation! And thank you for coming back after so long to read……. XOXO

Teach your rug to fly

Out of the thousands of books I’ve read, one that I thoroughly enjoyed is ‘who moved my cheese’ by Spencer Johnson, I read it a few years ago during a training I attended, and though I learnt some lessons, I can say authoritatively that there are some things theory won’t teach you until you experience and learn first-hand.

My cheese has been moved a few times, to be honest I’ve woken up before and found that the whole station has been moved or demolished; what is so sad is that there were some instances when I saw this coming but I didn’t trust myself enough to make the right choice or I was too lazy or afraid of the unknown. I used to say ‘impatience’ when someone asked me to mention a character flaw/something about me I could change; and over time in an attempt to not be an impatient person I had become fearful and often accommodated or adapted to situations that though I knew were wrong, I’d tell myself to calm down and ‘learn lessons’, ‘live through it and come out stronger’, ‘put in more effort’, blah blah blah!

I looked back  few years of my life and realized I had often accepted much less than I deserved; not because I have a heightened sense of my own importance but because I now have a better knowledge of who I am and can be. I also recognize that I got too comfortable when the ‘cheese’ seemed sufficient so I was often left frustrated at every slight change or disruption in my routine

And in extreme cases when ‘the rug gets pulled from under you’ it is not pretty; you blame the whole world including your dead ancestors and haters, you give excuses and cook up all sorts of stories about how unlucky you are, it just so happens that this period you run into old friends from school who seem to have the perfect life while you 'Mr/Miss most likely to succeed’ is living to make ends meet and you fall in and out of depression and self-condemnation and how life is unfair.

……..I’m glad I can laugh and write about this now, because I’ve learnt the importance of teaching your rug to fly or at least being able to roll it up and run with it to the next point; we won’t always have control of things that happen to us but we can learn to control how we react to those things which at the end makes us better. None of us have been promised The Perfect Life but rather than sulk at every misfortune and be static, I am willing to be better; to get up and act when I need to and not sit down in anger or throwing pity parties.

** the image is of calvin and hobbes on their imaginary magic carpet; the dialogue is funny but made me think about how some people can still be hung on certain issues even after they have been blessed with the chance to move on

Don't wear a short dress to get a pedicure

I thoroughly enjoy getting a pedicure; I’m a feet typa girl and I catch myself looking at people’s feet and being worried that people judge mine too, Hehehehe! Issues right?

Anyway, on one of my frequent visits to my ‘nail lady’ I wore a dress that in all honesty cannot be considered short, that is until I had to sit down and raise my leg so she could do her thing……Errrrr…….how can we rectify this blunder as we’re not interested in being ‘revealed’? Without me voicing my thoughts, she got me a towel which was tiny and didn't really change the situation but her effort was much appreciated; I laughed at myself and made a mental reminder to wear only trouser like clothing whenever I’m going to get my feet done.

But while I sat in awkward positions and tugged at my dress and tiny towel, I couldn't help but criticize myself; I take pride in the fact that I always think of possible situations generally and even when getting dressed – I consider matters like comfort, decency, ability to run if a riot breaks out, how easy would it be to jump on a commercial motorcycle if I discover there is traffic and how high can I jump or stretch if I have to do a flying kick during a fight (yes such matters are vital) but this one day I wasn't prepared and it wasn't fun holding on to the edge of my dress hoping no man in the unisex salon was having a field day reducing my bride price.

Yes there is room for genuine omission and mistakes, still it made me realize that we humans can sometimes get too comfortable and make excuses like “well it’s just for today!” NO, it’s not just for today because “it’s just for today” could be your last day or your last chance or get you totally misunderstood.

If it is in your habit to always lock your car doors wherever you go, please always lock your doors; don’t one day in a lazy moment leave your car door unlocked because it would only take 5 minutes to go in and out of the store, you may just come out after 5 minutes and find you've been robbed.

I’m not trying to be pessimistic or extreme or claim accidents don’t happen, however if you've a pattern that has worked for you for years or if you constantly follow your gut in even seemingly minor things like what to eat, it’s not wrong to keep at it. I know people who don’t eat certain foods not prepared in their homes; the day you see it in a restaurant or party and because it looks yummy and clean you decide to try and then you spend the next 3 days on the toilet seat, who would you blame?

Habits and careful living patterns are not bad; routines are not boring if they keep you safe and at peace, no matter what anyone says about you being stiff, fearful, difficult etc. do what you have to, it’s fine…….it doesn't make you weird.

Passion and Practice Pt III: Life

I couldn’t think of a ‘deep’ title for this post…..Lol!

So I simply called it “Life”.....which is something I've been thinking a lot about lately; why are we here? What are we supposed to do while we’re here? And why do we go through the things we do?

Trust me the questions don’t come as easily as I make it sound and it’s not so much a fun conversation to have but anyway, I’m grateful to be ‘here’

I like photography…..it hasn't been made known to me if it would be a profession however I thoroughly enjoy the art and idea of capturing emotions, history and events.

The pictures below were taken by me, I’m lazy and shy but I practice as often as I can. I was going through my folders and these are some of the pictures that ‘jumped at’ me……and I genuinely think they signify ‘life’ or ‘beginning’ or ‘existence’ in some way……I’ll let you have your opinion too…….

Enjoy!

They say Green is the color of life but when I see yellow flowers they signify life for me more than green does. Yellow flowers just…errrm…make me hopeful!

'Anticipating new life'……at a baby shower organized for a friend

I think this picture is a bit blurry blah blah but I love it! This is my friend’s introduction and she was being ushered out by friends and family to go meet her husband and in-laws…….the beginning of a new life! I love how everyone else seemed to be looking at her or something else and only she was smiling and looking forward.

I know how I felt when I took this picture, unfortunately I’m not sure how well to express myself…..it was beautiful, I was reminded of God’s awesomeness and ability to sustain EVERYTHING and then I was scared as I was in a boat and it’s not one of my favorite places to be.

I’m fascinated by sea shells- I don’t go to the beach often and when I do, I make sure I pick some – it’s amazing that they were once a covering for something that lived and died…….beautiful armor!

Death is a necessary part of life…………

***Happy Easter everyone! My genuine prayer for you is that you experience hope…..hope and faith that helps you live again; to resurrect dead dreams and your God-given aspirations and unwavering strength to stand firm!

Your win won’t always be their loss

Have you ever wanted so badly to revenge? To see someone who hurt you suffer for what they did to you? And you plan to give that great speech when you run into them or how your successful and glamorous life would make them be ashamed for hurting you or doubting your greatness

Well I’ve learnt that it doesn’t always happen that way and even sometimes when you feel like you’ve won, the person you were trying to get back at may not even be remotely aware they were in any type of contest with you……so painful!

There are very few things on earth that hurt like this; the day you wake up and realize some people got away with hurting you can feel like your last, Lol! I’m laughing at myself now because I can remember vividly one day a very short while ago when I experienced this truth……my feeling of victory and balloon of pride deflated in seconds and the heartache that followed can’t be described……someone, people, life had stolen a lot from me and karma stroke it off her record. To say I cried would be a gross understatement

It was unfair! It is unfair; they should suffer for what they did because you didn’t deserve the betrayal, mockery or theft! And it’s worse when these same people go ahead to thrive and succeed in life when all you want is to see them begging on the streets or simply want them to realize what great treasure they lost when they walked out on you

I know this feeling (and so have some other people I know); I blame myself because I try to be forgiving; not stupid but hopeful that though they’ve hurt me before, they may change and see my worth but they didn’t so I held on to false hope that they would pay for their wrongs which would be the perfect compensation for all I’ve suffered. Looking back now I realize that I saw warning signs but I unconsciously or stubbornly held on to such relationships longer than their death date because I was already hoping an opportunity to ‘show them’ would present itself but sadly that wasn’t to be as such wishes don’t come through…….you may never run into an ex the day you’re looking amazing and entwined with an equally HOT new partner; you may never see them cry after realizing their mistake and it may even be something as serious as you never carrying your own biological child even after people laugh at you for being barren.

In time and if you allow yourself, you’ll move past the hurt, you’ll know what to do and how to respond and there is a reward for not trying to take revenge into your own hands; sometimes all you get is Peace of mind but in due time you’ll realize that’s sufficient.

According to one of my favorite characters in a movie Juanita Sims, “Somebody almost got away with me in a plastic bag…!” Don’t give anyone that chance – to take who you are away from you and turn you bitter. Anger can be comforting; it gives a certain level of strength or numbness that allegedly makes it easy to hold a grudge or plot evil but believe me, it’s always pointless.

Yesterday was my birthday, and from about a week to the day all I could count were my losses including situations that I didn’t win. I asked God questions and condemned myself even more for being so weak; I was eventually reminded about how great my life is and how blessed I am to be celebrating life – some people didn’t live to see my age. I ended up having a great day and I believe that I don’t need to see someone feel like they lost to validate my right choices and assurance that I’m moving towards a better life!

XOXO

**I wish all Nigerians a peaceful election on March 28^th; I pray for peace and joy for this nation, may everyone plotting evil be consumed by it and may the best man win.