When the Cup is full

I’ve learnt that no one can really tell you when it’s enough….

Regardless of how many family members, friends or foe try to change your heart about a situation, even one that’s life threatening, you’ve to make that decision all by yourself.

I’ve had people tell me to change different things about myself; how I talk, how I walk, who I choose as friends for a particular season, the way I wear my makeup or clothes, how I advertise my business etc but looking back I realized that every change I made, whether good or bad was because I got to the point where it was enough! I’d simply HAD IT!

Usually I had to suffer though, either someone hurt me or I lost a valuable thing before I got to the point of walking away. It would also be honest of me to note that there were times during my long walk away, that I almost looked back; this may not often be weakness it’s just that, good or bad, change is hard and totally severing ties that once bound you to something or someone is not the easiest of things to do.

Other times it may not be the walking away, it may just be the fact that you want to feel like you won. Especially if it’s a relationship (of any kind), you’d very much like to feel the satisfaction that the person (s) you’re walking away from is sad or regrets. However, if you would be honest, you know that is hardly the case, in fact when you run into the person, he/she may even look like their life is better and that hurts. Or you would stare at the phone and beg some telecommunication god that your new former friend should call only to experience the joy of having to ignore the call.

With time you’d see that the whole drama or desire to win is totally not worth the trouble; Let it go! You consciously got to the point of realizing you needed a change so just get up and go! It also requires conscious, consistent and sometimes physical efforts; being accountable to someone who would keep you on track, having a target/to- do list, not picking calls or replying mails, setting time-framed goals, whatever it takes just do it because you know you deserve the great rewards that accompany dedication to that change.

Beyond anything else, forgive yourself; which can be very hard but is the most liberating step of the whole process. Don’t dwell on the lost time or how you would have handled issues differently (sometimes you re-live scenarios in front of a mirror or imagine how intelligent and nonchalant you plan to sound if you ever run into the person, Lool); try not to worry about the gains you missed if you had set out on a different path, like how wealthy you may have been at this age if you didn’t spend so many years being afraid…..it’s never too late to make better choices. Believe me, if you can get over hurting and condemning yourself that is when you have truly won!

Fat is now a Vice

Koko

 

Some of my friends and people who read my blog often, know that I ‘somehow’ struggle with my weight and I’ve made references to that in some posts like HERE

And while I know people who want to slap me when I complain about my weight, I also know others who feel they need to have an opinion about my body. Not sure I’ll forget the day an aunt who saw me when I had started losing weight said “you’ve lost weight oh! Ehen now you’re fine!” Errr……meaning?

Someone who has been a major inspiration on this weight loss journey is Koko (@cokeoberry), a young lady whose story may not be new but is real; representing a lot of people who have issues with their size. I sometimes imagine Koko one day ‘suddenly jumped up from a chair, started running a race and by the finish line was a slim version of herself’ however, we know that’s just life in my head, achieving anything is never that easy…….

I used to weigh over a 100kg in 2011; beyond being plus sized I had so much negative energy and I knew I needed a change, I didn’t even know what I wanted the change to be I just knew I needed a change. I was overweight for my age and I decided to start the change by losing some weight even though I had no idea how to do it.

So one day I got up, wore my shoes and at 5.30am was walking on the streets of Gwarimpa and since that day I haven’t looked back. A week after that, my brother saw I was determined and started taking walks with me; I eventually started running and doing exercises. I was a UK dress size 22 when I began working out and within 4 months of consistent exercising I dropped to a size 14; honestly, I don’t know how I was doing it and no one was even encouraging me that I was losing weight but I kept going.

After this period I took a 2 months break and I became afraid that was the end of being fit but I realized I loved how I was feeling so I decided to register in a gym and I had a fitness trainer. Within 8 months I was down to a size 8; which still didn’t hit me until someone told me I was slim, in my head I was still a fat girl and it took me a very long time to see myself as a slim person.

I realized being overweight affected my self-esteem; I was the fattest in my clique of friends. They called me names and even though I knew they were joking it sometimes hurt; I used to wish I had a different body. I was afraid to sit down whenever I went out because I thought the chair would break; when I walk on the road people would shout names at me or drivers would say “Madam you go buy 2 space oh!” anytime I entered a bus. It also affected my relationship with guys because the kind of guys I liked were not noticing me; apparently they didn’t like fat girls.

Presently I weigh 63kg, the heaviest I’ve weighed since 2012 is 65kg and I intend to keep it that way or less. Everyday I’m afraid I’ll be fat again and this keeps me working out and watching what I eat; I intend to be a size 8 forever *laughs*. I know it won’t be easy but I’m ready and willing to put in the effort.

A lot of people who knew me when I was over weight, see me now and don’t believe when I tell them I lost weight by diet and exercise; they think I used drugs or something drastic. However, there are some people who ask for help and I’m willing to help them lose weight from the research I’ve done on fitness.

I haven’t got to my goal yet; I’m still working on my body and on being fit. I still have a lot of work to do and I’ve found a passion in fitness so I intend to get the necessary education that would enable me become a fitness expert in order to help people lose weight and have my own fitness facility.

Beyond dropping a few dress sizes, my weight loss has made me look younger and healthier, I feel more beautiful, confident and sexy!

Koko before and after her weight loss

I decided to share Koko’s story because there seems to be a war against plus size people; even when you’re not really over weight yet not a certain ‘acceptable and tiny’ size people just believe they have the audacity to bully you, call you names, discriminate or generally try to destroy your life.

Koko reminds me that you can be fit because it is a personal choice rather than one society is trying seriously hard to influence. It may feel like one too many weight loss tales but it gives me hope; I’m not trying to be skinny or die from the pressure of trying so hard to be the perfect size; I really want to be healthy and happy with what I see when I look into the mirror. And there is no better time to work towards a change than NOW!

As I wish Koko all the best as she maintains her healthy lifestyle; I also wish you strength and grace to remain consistent in fulfilling not just your fitness but your life’s goals generally.

Happy New Year!!!