“Do you look into the mirror?”
That was the question he asked me…..a young man
about 14 years old; I had never seen him before and I probably would never see
him again.
I dreamed of him, he was short for his age, dark
skinned and very neat.
He was told to speak or sing to me but as he
opened his mouth that question came out and it took me all of three seconds to
understand what he was saying…….
“How do I see me?”
And my answer was “I don’t”
I couldn’t even speak out so it was more of an
affirmation spoken to myself.
I feel I do not know what people see when they
look at me because I do not have an image of what I want them to see.
It goes beyond if I am beautiful in their eyes; I
have no concerns about my face
It runs deeper than that!
I am learning not to let people’s opinions bother
me yet I am responsible enough to recognize that no one should associate me
with negativity and bad
Sometimes I am tempted to ask random people what
they think of me or what I need to fix.
Then I realized you can never get to that place of
being ‘complete’ or ‘enough’ for everyone and at all times.
Recently I told a group of friends that I am
evolving and I feel like I need to protect that process and who I am becoming.
However a few minutes before I made that statement I couldn’t define what I
felt I was going through because I was more frustrated than satisfied.
But it made me feel really good that I now had
some sort of understanding of what was happening.
I have grown; and I still have a lot more growing
to do because a few years from now I will probably be a totally different
person from who I am today. The uncertainty scares me but I am expectant; and I
know I won’t be alone because there are a few people who know me and love me
from my roots not just the face I show them.
So I will do what the young man in my dream asked,
I will look into the mirror more because the answers, the healing and the power I often seek are already inside me – this I know and I am
starting to believe for real!
No comments:
Post a Comment