The benefit of Time

I often think of death

Sometimes it’s a result of fear, or curiosity of how it feels to be on the ‘other side’

And other times it’s just me wondering how those you leave behind move on with their lives

I’ve lost friends and family and I know it’s really painful to accept that you’ll never see the person again

To know that all you talked about or planned would most likely not happen

And to accept that life as you know it would change

When the Dana flight dropped out of the sky, it was hard to believe God allowed it to happen

I’ve never had so many people I know or family members of those I know die in one day

It felt like the whole of Nigeria had at least one person on that flight

Beyond that I started to think of how those closest to the deceased would feel

How do you plan a funeral? What is the process of planning how to place your loved one in the ground?

Dealing with family members; clearing out closets or deleting contacts

How would colleagues function for the first few days or how would a boss replace or be replaced?

How do you just admit that the clock didn’t stop ticking when your loved one stopped breathing?

After going through different emotions of fear, anger, shock, you’ll still have to get up and function.

I’ve learnt that time doesn’t necessarily heal; it only somewhat dulls the pain

You may never forget that second you heard the news and how you silently and desperately wanted it to be a lie

You’ll wish you had more time, or expressed love much more than you actually did

You may unconsciously call out the person’s name or randomly burst into tears in the middle of a crowd

But one day unexpectedly you’ll laugh, because something will be funny and you’ll suddenly notice the sun is shining and you’ll remember the person would have wanted you to be happy

You may begin to see that all along you shared the person’s dream and there is no way you’ll let that die now

It may take a while and you may even need help with this process

You might sometimes feel bad when the pain begins to dull because you think feeling the pain keeps you connected to the person

But that’s why we have memories; mental pictures of times shared

Even the not so good times won’t matter anymore

What you’ll hold on to is the truth that beyond a doubt you were blessed because the one you lost once lived.

The image is of Adenike Ogungbe, a super talented Makeup artist I unashamedly admire. She passed away July 3rd, 2013.  May the path you cleared for others never be covered in dust…..Rest in Peace!