How will I work out my dietary salvation?

I like food; I like to admire food and relish the amazingness of flavours and colours and tastes. I love beans and plantain, burgers, fries or some sea food soaked in a Mediterranean sauce but I also swing to the other side and would gladly consume supposedly boring healthy options like carrots, cucumbers, cauliflower rice and calorie-free granola muffins.

I like food .......but I AM TIRED!!!

I’m so exhausted I could cry!

I’m beginning to feel like I’m going to some food hell and quite frankly I sometimes think it won’t be such a bad idea. Haba! it is really unfair because I do not even eat (maybe when I am in a party sha and it’s been a while I indulged and my mama didn’t raise me to waste food); most of the time I am afraid to eat or I am too mentally lazy to even decide what to eat but as there is no justice in the world, all I need to do is just dream or look at food and I get fat! Fear won’t let me be great because the way my waist and arms are set up, all the food goes there rather than go into my stomach to be completely digested or below my back *wink*

If it was that I led a completely unhealthy lifestyle now I could take the blame but this has been a lifelong battle. So I can start my day with 2 slices of wheat bread and coffee or fibre cereal sweetened with cinnamon; snack on almonds or an apple; drink 3 litres of lemon flavoured water; have cous cous and fish/chicken for lunch (which often becomes an early dinner) and then BOOM! Someone would just come with puff puff or chocolate biscuits or chips or caramel popcorn or suya!!!!!! Which manner of demon is this?? And nobody should mention lack of self-control to me, thank you!

I looked through old pictures recently and I just started thinking of my life and if this will be an eternal cross to bear; because even if I do the work and lose weight, how would I keep it off? Yes, yes I know “gradual process”, “make it a lifestyle”, “blah blah keep story for tortoise” I KNOW! But developing that lifestyle seems like something in a distant future and I am faithless enough to believe I will fall back into being unfit and unhealthy as I have done several times in the past so is there really redemption?

Today I have no kind words of encouragement; this is me on a rant. I know someone might want to preach to me about loving yourself, Oh darling I do, however today ‘they’ are really trying me and for the moment I have given in.

So you can give me kind advice or laugh gently (at) with me in the comment section, it may make me feel better!

Is it really you, demon or your ego?

I had a bad day today, one of those ones you just lie down most of the day and paint the worst possible scenarios of your life; it took prayer, motivational and happy YouTube videos and lunatic looking self talk to snap out of it! I didn’t want to see or talk to anyone because I didn’t want to pretend I was happy and it didn’t help too that all my devices had low battery most of the day. But I decided there was no need, I STILL won’t achieve anything if I stayed low and down.

After sometime, I became proud of myself because there was a time I would have nursed this moodiness and blamed the world and would have held on to the bad attitude as if it were a trophy or something to be proud of. I have been at the receiving end of people’s moody behaviour and it is not a good place to be in, especially if it is a loved one, you would want to tell them to go to hell but you love them and because you care about whatever relationship you have with the person, you hold your tongue and help them come out of it or you step back and pray they come out soon enough.

One thing I have also experienced is people who get angry when I am in a mood; if you cannot be considerate and do what I stated above then by all means GET OUT!! Even though I would admit some people get moody for no apparent reason, don’t make it worse. This is not about you, I cannot be thinking of ways to heal and also cater to your own ego so please!! Do not be selfish and insensitive, people are going through things they may never be able to fully express. And one thing I have learnt is that, on my own bad day if I decide to relegate my own emotions and help another person, I end up feeling better.

Moodiness is of the devil! I am not even joking, I think it is very ugly especially when you are known for it and I undoubtedly believe it is a display of pride; like why are you nursing a bad attitude often, making people around you uncomfortable and acting like being in a dark place is cool and acceptable or would gain you respect? If something is wrong, talk let us help you. When I do not really know what is causing my mood, I would rather go into hiding like I did today so that I won’t use my own to affect others but some people come to full view or even call you to talk and then say nothing as if I am omniscient!

If you are suffering from depression (uncontrollable bouts of moodiness is a common symptom) which is something I have been delivered from then I sympathize with you and because sometimes you have no control over these things but I know you can be delivered if you want to.

I now believe there is nothing that serious in this life; I mean if you have access to any device and can read this online then you are considered elite in the world with basic necessities available to you. So please believe every form of darkness will give way to Light; you will outlive the shame of that mistake and forgive yourself; you will genuinely smile again; you will heal or develop the strength to deal with and grow through that pain; and you will not be lonely forever but it is up to you to you allow the right people who truly love you into your life and space.

Lessons from the Ark

About 2 days ago, I read a piece about Noah in the Bible and the Ark he built. I remembered learning in my freshman year that it took him 120 years to build the ark and since then I have always been in awe of his consistency and trust in God; I mean I can’t even maintain a diet for one month! (Although some scholars contest this fact however that’s not the essence of this post). Once again I was struck by another fact that ‘Noah had no experience in Carpentry or Ark building’ I mean there probably had never been record of such grand woodworks prior to this time yet a man of the soil heard and obeyed God and went to work; a task he completed excellently. I mean the ark preserved mankind so it is safe to believe it was a huge success.

I was once again impressed and then immediately sad and a bit disappointed in myself; how many times had I told myself I couldn’t achieve something based on the excuse of not having knowledge or experience? I have lost count of how many times my fear or lack of trust kept me grounded and non-progressive. Society and the corporate world also doesn’t help with this mindset and that is why I wouldn’t apply for a job I have always dreamed of because it has been rung in my ears countless times that I will not get it because I do not know how to do it! We do not give people the chance to grow and learn; we also do not give ourselves the chance too. Therefore most of us are stuck and frustrated.

I have given up on dreams because even when I tell myself I can learn, I begin to convince myself that maybe it isn’t worth the investment of time and other resources but I find myself being depressed, overwhelmed by feelings of being a failure. Very recently, I moved an idea from being a farfetched dream to being a goal I intend to achieve; I do not know what and how to do it but I know I may not heal from the disappointment if I do not at least try. Coming across that piece on Noah was a push I needed; it is possible to learn, and grow and be super excellent at something that will eventually bring solace to many. I believe Noah’s motivation was obedience to God; a desire to please Him as well as to see mankind preserved; I also believe he probably dwelt on these daily anytime the naysayers reared their ugly heads and opinions.

So I asked myself; ‘Anu what is your motivation?’Someone asked me a few days ago, “What are you helping people achieve? Who are you sent to?” Knowing the answer to these types of questions would keep you going; it would help you decide that being dogged and committed to consistent learning, building capacity and growth no matter the industry or path you choose will lead to what you consider to be success.

God told Noah the materials to use but I know HE didn’t come down to knock the wood in place for him. Noah did the work and even if he may have had doubts and was exhausted, he made progress. He wasn’t young or wealthy and he didn’t have machinery. I sometimes imagine that he asked some people questions; or that he melted a few of his wife’s pots trying to get the perfect binding substance or he cut himself a few times thumping and chopping. Whatever his experiences, HE DID IT! He finished and almost the whole of human existence acknowledges him today.  

So today, I encourage myself and you too, that ‘you can do ANYTHING! Anything at all!’ Believe it and get to work! Do not let fears or lack of faith deter you; focus on the benefits of the end result and the truth that you would learn so much on your journey. You have it in you! You already have the capacity to do whatever you set your mind to; you just cannot afford to give up! I also realised that the help you need is always somehow available; I can testify to this because it sometimes feels like magic when I am thinking of how to do something and I may just decide to mention it randomly and boom! There just happens to be someone around so very gracious and willing to offer ALL the help I need.

I love a text below; always remember you are already empowered to do more!!