Wednesday 19 November 2014

Do you have a husband?



I was stunned! Genuinely and that doesn’t happen often
I was sitting down and minding my business when a neighbour’s child who was playing with my nephew asked me “Do you have a husband?”
I wasn’t angry, at least that wasn’t my first reaction, so I simply said “No I don’t”. I honestly don’t remember what she said next, all that came to mind was an image of me at her age and how that question could NEVER have come into my mind to ask an adult stranger.

Growing up in the 80s as a Nigerian child, I was taught not to speak unless spoken to, not to make noise in public, not to breathe outside my house, not to move or take other people’s property and of course not to ask stupid questions; I mean how could I even look an adult in the face and ask if she has a husband! What did I know that a husband was at 4 or 5 years old? When did it become suitable information to be aware of or add to my knowledge of facts about my neighbours?!

I’m still slightly stunned and may not effectively express my mind in this article; some people may laugh, say I’m being dramatic and call it a child being inquisitive but I beg to differ, I couldn’t help but think what kind of conversations do the adults in her house have? Why was she so sure that one of the things someone who looked like me should possess is a husband?! And wouldn’t she grow up thinking you must have a husband when you begin to look ‘adult enough’.

That eventually led me to other thoughts, one of which is how even adults who should know better don’t mind their business. From what I had for breakfast to why I chose a purple dress over red, my source of income and then to how my love life is; people just don’t know how to keep the conversation going ONLY in their heads. Like this child who asked me the question, I’ve had people who I have no relationship with whatsoever ask me matters that I consider private.

I believe that if you don’t fall under the category of lover, family, really CLOSE friend and friend we have put in the position to discuss certain matters (trust me some friends have not crossed that sort of line) then please don’t consider yourself bold enough to address things like a change in complexion; weight gain; choice of hairstyle; colour of lipstick; age by next birthday; wedding date (when the last you checked the person was not even in a relationship); how many months pregnancy  and such related matters as you may not like the response you hear.

Because I’m a well-mannered child of God and I know some of my comebacks can be destructive to the human heart, I usually just smile (or at least something close to a smile) and act like nothing just happened. If it is someone I genuinely don’t want to disrespect, the situation will be turned into a comedy. However, if a friend or stranger still insists on not allowing me ‘swerve’ then………..I apologise in advance for what you shall receive.

Whether asked by a ‘curious’ child or a mindless adult, I think we should all be careful when we speak to others and what we say in front of others too. I can bet money this little girl has heard too many marriage related conversations in her household to be aware and confidently ask someone such, it’s either that or child training patterns have changed drastically and not for the better.