Snatching is the new Dating

So I have realised (after carrying last in this matter) that snatching is the new way to date!

Not kidding, I noticed that nowadays a girl doesn’t seem to have a problem ‘hanging’ around a guy who has a girlfriend because there is hope that since he isn’t officially married he can change his mind and choose her.

I once told a friend that I refuse to enjoy the company of an ‘attached’ man and she plainly said I was dulling because he isn’t ‘married’ so what was the problem? Hian! The problem is that when I eventually fall for him and then he doesn’t call off his wedding to this other woman, what would happen to me?

I’m not saying you can’t be friends with someone who has a partner oh, ask my close friends and they will tell you I’m the master of friendship (sometimes they say it’s to my own detriment); I would have turned you to 'padi' before anything (I truly believe you can never tell for sure why someone comes into your life).

However, if from the beginning you both are straight up and honest with yourselves and no empty promises then fine, whatever now happens is of your own doing. But not a situation where the guy is ‘hovering and covering and blocking and telling you stories that touch’ and you’re enjoying this whole process only for him to invite you to his wedding! What do you want me to do there biko? Serve food or souvenir?

It’s not only the women who try this stunt, there are even some men who oppress impressionable women who are in their own relationships, trying to cause confusion in her life and truncate her marital destiny! WHY?!

I’m not going to say “oh men are demons or babes are fools” (I don’t have the perfect opinion about everything) what I’m concerned about is “how did we get here?” this stage where the lines and boundaries in boy-girl relationships have become blurred or none existent and has it always been this way?

I won’t claim innocence because I’ve been a willing prey as well as an ignorant predator in this matter in my past life, however I’m afraid. Afraid that if it’s so confusing now, what would it be like when I have a 16 year old female child? By then would there be a difference between an acquaintance, colleague, classmate, neighbour, close friend and boyfriend? Would there be clear cut distinctions between all these people?  Or we’ll all be intertwined and enjoying ‘benefits’ of these relationships?

I wonder how high the rate of emotional trauma or mental illnesses will be by then, because I’m sure beyond a doubt that more young people will still commit suicide from being disappointed or heart broken when that ‘attached unofficial partner’ decides to marry that other person and then you realize you’ve spent months/years enjoying the company of this person that was NEVER yours!

I’ve heard stories of people who snatched and are happily married no problem at all, like seriously I don’t judge you. Maybe if I knew how to snatch I won’t still be unmarried, however as a traditional girl I want a SINGLE UNATTACHED man to be with ONLY me officially and unofficially! Thank you! I don’t have energy for avoidable drama or heart-paining!

And some people may say “what if you’re the one he wants to marry and he has unofficial babe outside who wants to displace you?” Ehn, no argument, you’ll only have to wait and see if that ever happens to me because there are somethings I don’t even permit to worry me now (And besides have you ever experienced the power of a violent praying woman?! Lool)

 

* According to the image, don’t you see how easy it is to kill yourself when you’re stuck between zones?!

 

Reaching for the eye of the Storm

 

A few years ago if someone asked me what I really wanted, I’d say ‘to be happy’, most people didn’t understand and they automatically just assumed I was a sad person. Quite the opposite because I was always smiling and some friends called me ‘Aquafresh’ due to my ever wide smile.

One day I heard a preacher say “Happiness is elusive. The more you reach for it; it seems to move away from you”. Like the world was trying to teach me a lesson, not long after that I read somewhere that “Happiness is a journey not a destination” so working towards ‘a place of happiness’ isn’t the right thing to do but rather enjoy life now.

Stroll down a few years and my desire shifted from ‘happiness’ to ‘peace’; I just always wanted to feel like I had it all figured out- no storms or turbulence. I quickly learnt that will never be the case because with growth comes responsibilities, choices to make and hurdles to cross.

To sometimes keep my sanity, I have a habit of asking “what is the morale of this story/situation” even from seemingly mundane or funny things. It somehow started as a joke but I’m used to it now and it helps me maintain my sense of humour in otherwise painful circumstances.

Some of the things I’ve learnt in recent time that helped me keep my peace and happiness;

•        Don’t apply liquid eyeliner in a moving car; I have a talent -I can apply makeup on my face anywhere and anytime- car, airplane, in the dark, as I eat etc however, one fateful day, as I lined my eyes in the car on my way to the office, the driver/car decided to move in a drastic manner and BLACK OUT! Like literally, I saw black! I looked into the mirror and there was more black in my right eye. I laughed at myself, it hurt but I laughed.

And it occurred to me that it’s not right to take things for granted, I mean why couldn’t I just be disciplined and be fast enough to do my makeup at home at the appropriate place and time? Rather than almost remove my eye? It’s easy to fall into a routine believing things will always work as we’ve known but change happens and we should often be ready for the unplanned!

•        Always have backup; Carry vex money EVERYWHERE and hide money in random places for days you’re dead broke; have your documents on your computer, phone backed up on some external device; have Indomie noodles at home always (you won’t know the day this will be all you have to eat so you won’t die in your sleep from hunger, Lol); have extra recharge card for your phone hidden in your wallet or pocket or saved as a phone number; take tissue with you to the toilet because the roll there may just have finished and we don’t need that kind of situation.

•        Have different kind of friends on speed dial- the one you can call to pick you up when you have messed up and you’re stranded, the one who is ready to roll up sleeves and fight with you then ask questions later and the one who won’t judge you but would tell you the truth and the faith-filled and spiritual one you can ask to pray for and with you.

•        Self-promotion is not a sin; Blow your own trumpet! Because nobody can effectively do this for you. This is something I’m still learning though because I can be the worst advertisement of what I’m selling. As a makeup artist, it’s only recently I decided to ALWAYS wear makeup because you can never tell who is watching or interested in buying what you’re selling.

•        Keep calm and drink cold water; Calm down! (I need to tell myself this often) You are not the Holy Spirit, Wonder woman or Superman! Not everything is a battle; know when to let things go. Don’t die trying to save the world! Try to enjoy your life while you have it, stop being such a robot!

•        Always wear clean and neat underwear incase you’re in an accident (ok….I stole this from my friend’s mother). But really it makes sense, if you’re unconscious and have to be rushed to the hospital; you don’t want to be seen in torn, faded underwear, trust me some people are evil enough to still laugh and judge you when you’re almost dead.

Try to avoid embarrassing situations as much as you can, just like investing money in quality underwear can save your life, invest money and time in things that matter so when you need to ‘prove’ yourself, you won’t be ashamed!

•        Not all that glitters is gold, some are sequin; Be careful and don’t allow yourself be deceived by something so shiny and bright. There is so much costume jewellery in the market now, it’s hard to know the difference!

Same way, ask questions about everything; don’t feel too proud or be afraid that you’ll look silly. It’s better to ask and know than fall victim; “I didn’t know” or “I was deceived” is no longer an acceptable excuse, it’s you that dulled! Most importantly remember we all have instinct (what I like to call spirit) and if we can just pay attention, we won’t get into so much trouble so often.

•        Wear colour; Wear red or purple or orange lipstick sometimes. Guys, wear that pink or olive green shirt, we won’t judge you. Bottom line BE BOLD! Take risks, don’t limit yourself, try new things, allow yourself like someone else, travel to someplace you’ve not been, take that course, wave at a stranger in a car beside you in traffic, make that phone call (or send the text), laugh when you fall, be the first to say hi, forgive that hurt, basically just do what you need to at least once in your life and then you can tell yourself “I tried” most times, it’s even an “I did it!” you get. 

•        STOP PROCASTINATING! STOP PROCASTINATING!! STOP PROCASTINATING!!! Enough said…….

Life will never be perfect! As long as you’re breathing, there would always be situations you’d rather not deal with. But I’m sure the Eagle doesn’t beg God to keep the storm away, rather it waits for it and glides through the winds, going higher; it actually finds peace right in the eye of the storm. And we should all learn to do same!

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Still Hopeful

Today, I truly experienced what it means to wake up on the right side of your bed!

I woke up feeling good; I woke up grateful and hopeful; believing my dead dreams could be resurrected. Believing I could be what God created me to be in spite of obstacles, delays or my stupidity; I could rise above all and still be great.

And I’ve decided to consciously feel the same for Nigeria; the past few weeks have been hard especially with issues in the north and how some people feel it’s acceptable to slaughter their fellow men like chickens. I can’t even imagine the sermon you can preach to an orphan that God will protect him when someone just lied that the same God sent him to blow his parents into a million pieces.

 

We can all agree that religion is no longer an excuse for this war and we all wonder when we’ll be truly free from the enemies of terrorism, corruption, lack of infrastructure etc.

But I choose to keep praying for my country; I choose to believe that she will be better and I look forward to a time that even if ALL our issues aren’t solved and we’re not perfect (as no nation is), we will still have hope; we’ll be able to look back and say indeed we’ve come through what may feel farfetched now, that we’ve grown and generations to come won’t ask what we were looking at as our nation was flushed down the drain.

Today, 1st of October 2013, I choose HOPE and HAPPINESS!